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The nature of man is such that in essence he cannot live alone. Social foundations of life evolved over the centuries, at all times, people tried to exist in groups, communities. This was the key to safety and survival. In the modern world, a person can independently earn his living, he no longer needs to hide from mammoths, only the desire to live with his own kind remains ...
Urban conditions are increasingly driving us into a rigid framework, when after work a lonely person goes into an empty house, lingers behind a computer. Only short phone calls and messages of congratulations for the holidays remain from connections with friends and relatives. What is the feeling of loneliness, what are its causes and how to fight it, let's try to figure it out.
What is loneliness
Loneliness is of two kinds - real and spiritual. Real loneliness is a casewhen a person is physically alone - he has no family, friends, acquaintances. This is a rather rare situation that often arises after tragic events. If a person instantly loses loved ones and relatives, the feeling of grief is tightly intertwined with a feeling of loneliness and uselessness. Such people often need professional psychological support. Forced loneliness also includes the feelings of people who are in solitary confinement cells of prisons or by the nature of their professional activities - lighthouse keepers, foresters, polar explorers.
The most common feeling of loneliness is when there are friends, family, relatives and close people, but there is no understanding, sympathy and warmth. It seems to a person that no one hears him. Most often it occurs in the period of adolescence. He is no longer a child, but not yet an adult, he wants to be independent, but he does not always succeed. Internal conflicts lead to the state of "I am the only one in this world."
Another category, prone to loneliness, are mature people who have not found their soul mate. In fact, this is a rather difficult situation, when everything around is made up by a wall of stereotypes and frames.We come home, where only the cat is waiting for us, and even that scrubbing at heart.
Reasons for loneliness
Why a man can not find a man / woman like? Why is “everything seems to be with you,” and the relationship does not develop? Here are a few psychological reasons why, without knowing it, we are building a kind of protective barrier.
Sometimes very shy people are left lonely.. They are afraid not only to speak first, but even to look into the eyes of the object of interest. Perhaps they believe that all the people around are of a higher level and with any awkward movement these people will start laughing and mocking. It is necessary to clearly understand that all people are different, and there is certainly a person who is similar to you in his views, who is just as shy and vulnerable, with whom you will be on the same wavelength. How can you get to know him if none of you take the first step?
"They are not worthy of me." Often the bar for choosing a partner is so high that getting to it is not so easy. It is rather difficult to find a person who spends all the time with his family, earns big money, and also prepares delicious dishes.Dreaming of a prince, you can not see the happiness that is under his nose.
"They won't love me." The reason for low self-esteem is also very common in human psychology. “Who needs me, ugly, fat, with a small salary and no higher education?” But a man does not like for papers, not for diplomas and certificates. Everything happens in the shower. Therefore, to get rid of this complex, you just need to love yourself. Go in for sports, buy beautiful clothes, start learning some language, sign up for dancing — anything. Need to do what you have long dreamed of. Love yourself and you will certainly be noticed.
Modern life is arranged in such a way that a huge number of potential life mates pass by us daily. But do not make it the goal of your life and write down the item “Find a husband / wife” in the to-do list. When we look at the opposite sex as a prey, very few people will like it. This is especially true for women - who among men will like it if the hunt is open for him? Change the attitude to the situation. It is necessary to move away a bit from this problem, relax and take care of yourself.Open to the world and he will present you a worthy gift.
How to get rid of loneliness
How to get rid of loneliness? How to understand that you are not alone, but the world is beautiful and diverse with all its colors? Here are some practical tips that can improve your psychological state and relieve you of loneliness forever.
- Get a pet. Animals are very smart creatures. They understand much more than we suppose. Stroll through the bird market and view every four and feathery representative. There is no doubt that you will meet there your true friend who will make you forget about loneliness. Animals are very sensitive to the emotional state of a person and are able to empathize, cheer and cheer. If you are a calm and homely person, get a cat. She is as loyal as she is independent. If you are a lover of outdoor activities, you need a dog. This true friend will never leave you in trouble.
- A change of scenery. Often thoughts of loneliness are born in the period of monotony of the flow of life. Need to change this rhythm.The best thing - go travel to those countries where you have never been. Go travel savage - it will not only save finances, but also give a lot of unprecedented impressions. If there is no opportunity to go on a trip, then change your job or occupation, go visit your grandmother or uncle in the neighboring town, make repairs or at least rearrange. Any movement in life leads to change, says an ancient Chinese proverb.
- Get a pen pal. Why do we shower out the soul of a random companion who we don’t even know? Perhaps because we see him for the first and most likely the last time. It is easier for someone else to reveal their secrets and experiences. The World Wide Web provides an opportunity to find a person and pour out his soul to him. And if you do not want, he will never know your name and place of residence. With strong experiences, psychologists advise to put everything on paper, turn pain and tears into letters and words. Again and again returning to the monitor, you are released from loneliness, turning it into a cursory line. And if you're lucky, you will find yourself a good, kind friend.
- Do not compare.This is the main problem of modern civilization. “Look, Masha has been married for a year, and Sveta has already given birth to two, and what am I? - do not sew mare tail. It is not right. Each has its own life, its own fate. How do you know how your girlfriends really live? Perhaps Masha is quarreling with her husband in a day, and Sveta is so tired of life, children and work, that her mother does not grieve. Live your life and never compare yourself with others.
- Be open to the world and new relationships. It is necessary to go out more often to attend various events. If your loneliness is associated with the absence of the second half, draw a desired image for yourself. Think about where you can meet such a person. Do not strive to meet the home, the hard worker in a nightclub - he just does not go there. If you meet in hot spots, be prepared for the fact that most likely the person will be a frivolous guy who loves to hang out. Often go to the city festivities, to visit, to events of interest. There you can meet like-minded person. And be open. No need to be rude and rude, if someone tries to get to know you on the street.And if you like a person, there is nothing shameful in being the first to say a few fleeting words to him.
How to beat the fear of loneliness
You can also pay more attention to your inner self. At such moments, you can discover a lot for yourself. When you are alone with your own thoughts, you begin to understand your true desires and values. Loneliness has a very thin line with such a concept as “freedom”. Perhaps you are not alone, but free? If you can not make a difference, change the attitude towards it. Live easy, open and enjoy what you have. This is not given to everyone.
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