How to get rid of obsessive people

Each person has their own personal space and a comfortable communication zone. Without knowing it, we set acceptable limits for our behavior. That is why we are more relaxed with friends, frank with loved ones, funny with children, and restrained with colleagues. When a person appears, thirsting for our attention, an unpleasant situation happens. Education does not allow you to simply turn around and leave, and the mind says that time spent on useless communication can be spent more usefully ... And in general, should you go against yourself and put up with an obsessive person?

Who are obsessive people?

No one should tolerate obsessive communication. However, getting rid of the annoying sticking, not passing for boor and saving your face is not so easy. To choose the right tactics of behavior, you need to understand who you are dealing with, what motives the annoying interlocutor has and what he wants to get from communicating with you.

All children turn to adults with their needs.As they grow up, requests change their character and gradually disappear. At the same time, the person himself learns to cope with his needs independently, to establish the very limits of comfortable communication and makes sure that no one encroaches on his comfort zone. However, some people seem to remain in childhood, do not grow up psychologically, can not cope with their own emotions and are still looking for support and approval from outside. So there are two types of obsession:

1. Estimated dependency. In this case, the person sympathizes with you as an individual, your opinion is important to him, life is interesting, he tries to be like you. This is very similar to admiration for idol or love, even if you are of the same sex. If the interlocutor talks about himself, it is only for the purpose of hearing advice or finding out an assessment of what is happening. You can say that you have been chosen as an expert and a wise mentor.
2. Energetic vampire. In this case, the interlocutor is parasitic. He just needs to throw out his emotions, share events, make an impression, prove something, gossip or just kill time.Your opinion is absolutely all the same to the energetic vampire, he did not come for that. It is quite possible that they will not give you a word, and the interlocutor will conduct a monologue and be dispersed in discussions, plans, conjectures, etc. In your place there can be absolutely any person who will not resist the pressure of an energetic vampire.

Of course, the first type of obsession may seem more harmless and less uncomfortable. However, this is only the first time. The consequences of “mentoring” can be very deplorable, because to some extent the interlocutor shifts the responsibility for making the decision on you, he himself detached from the problem and relies on a reliable rear. Or maybe, in general, he puts some of his worries and problems on the shoulders of the chosen expert. The energetic vampire, on the other hand, frankly parasitizes, tires, leaves behind an unpleasant residue and mercilessly kills your time.

The conclusion suggests itself - the communication should be pleasant to both parties equally. There should be no significant gains. If obsession appears, then it must be fought.

Rules of communicating with annoying people

Firstly, it is worth understanding that all adults, without exception, feel related to themselves and clearly understand that the other person avoids them, does not want to communicate, ignores them and tries in every way to distance himself from the annoying interlocutor. However, not everyone is ready to give in and do not seem to notice that their society is burdensome. As a result, a kind of cat-and-mouse game arises. This game can last for years! Therefore, no concessions sticks do not need. If a person is unpleasant to you, you need to immediately make your position clear and line up. Do the following:

To be as sincere and honest as possible.
So tell me that you have time to talk, but there are cases and plans that are more important to you now than communication. Do not look for imaginary reasons, do not say that you are in a hurry or busy, do not transfer the conversation to another time. Frankly admit that they are not willing to talk. In no case do not take the position of justifying person.

If the interviewee is constantly asking for advice, explain the true reasons for which you can not or do not want to give it.

For example, the matter concerns personal life, in which case you need to say that you are in control of the situation only from the words of your interlocutor, and therefore you cannot objectively assess the situation and do something about it. If it comes to work, then decide on a specific time in which you are ready to discuss issues of the interlocutor on a general basis, and you want to spend personal time at will. In our time, information is expensive, so you yourself have the right to choose with whom you want to share knowledge and experience, and with whom not.

Behave a mirror to an obsessive friend
Suppose you meet by chance, just do not pretend that you don’t notice it, but instead fall asleep with questions, translate the topic to you convenient, interrupt and don’t let us come to our senses. Touch on a topic that the other person does not like to support. Let the sticky be defensive and aware that it is not only he who can set the tone for communication.

Do not answer uncomfortable questions.
No need to invent anything, just say a simple but informative phrase: “Sorry, this is a personal one.” You do not have to speak frankly about your thoughts, feelings, plans, desires and opportunities.If with friends and family you can somehow wriggle out of an uncomfortable question, then the curiosity of the intrusive acquaintance should be stopped at the root. A person must understand that your relationship is not so close that there are no taboo topics.

Ask the sticky for some small service in a short time, but rather borrow money.

You will see that in 80% of cases a person will immediately disappear from your life. It's one thing to communicate, and another to find time for action or free money. Especially effectively this method works with the second category - energy vampires, who are not interested in your worries and problems at all, but you only need to tell about yourself and kill time.

Be adamant and explain your position.
Communicate with an obsessive companion briefly, in monosyllables, maintain pauses. Frankly ask what they owe to such close attention to his person. Admit that undue attention causes you inconvenience. Note that in most cases, communicate only out of politeness, because you do not want to offend the interlocutor. Specify topics that you are particularly unpleasant or uninteresting to talk about.Do not be afraid to offend a person, because you do not characterize his personality, but discuss the style of communication.

Of course, to protect yourself from communicating with annoying people, you need courage and strength of mind. But you will have to choose: either spend your time and go on about sticking, or defend your limits of internal comfort. Indeed, in life there can be dozens of annoying interlocutors, and there is simply no point in devoting everyone time.

Video: how not to be intrusive or how to get attention to yourself