How to get rid of perfectionism

So, if you constantly want to bring everything to perfection and you are not irritated by the arranged books or the crooked newspaper on the coffee table, then this article will be very useful for reading. By the way, this also applies to those who have to face such people. It describes in detail the very concept of perfectionism, what are its roots, how to deal with a destructive habit, and why the pursuit of an ideal has a bad effect on a person’s life.

What is perfectionism

In simple words, perfectionism is an obsessive desire of a person to bring everything to perfection. This is not just a love of order. Here it is already said about the irresistible force to do everything perfectly, even when it is not required at all.The craving for perfection is inherent in every person in the blood, but sometimes it turns into a real mania and can lead a person to serious consequences. Therefore, it is worthwhile to pay close attention to the first signs of perfectionism.

Where does perfectionism come from

Almost every psychological problem of man originates from childhood. So perfectionism takes its roots from the distant past. For example, when the eldest child is constantly accustomed to responsibility and order. He also has to keep track of his younger brothers and sisters.

It happens that a son or daughter fulfills the unfulfilled dreams of their parents, for example, they study in a music school without interest or go to a drawing circle without having talent. In addition, there is such a thing as “excellent student syndrome”, this is when children try extremely hard in their studies, so as not to disappoint those who put their hope in his father and mother. Even a child can grow a perfectionist when he is little praised or, conversely, too much.

There is also a neurological disorder. In this case, a person lives in a fictional world of ideals, under which his whole life is fitted.A perfectionist who suffers from an inferiority complex compensates for his invented imperfection by buying the most expensive things or getting a prestigious job. Narcissistic inclination dictates its own rules, such a person idealizes his personality and believes that he should have only the best, in his opinion, he surpasses all people.

Types of makeovers

Self-directedwhen a person treats his personality very demanding and constantly improves in everything;

Waiting for the ideal of other people. For example, it may be a strict parent, a dictator or a coach;

Social appearance, in this case suffering from perfectionism, is afraid to disappoint other people and society as a whole. For him, it is extremely important to someone else's opinion.

Why perfectionism is bad

Perfectly done work is nice, but everywhere there is a measure. Therefore, a person who is constantly looking for perfection is gradually exhausted and turns into a real outcast of society. Agree that it is not very pleasant to communicate with someone who hourly corrects something or demands perfection from another person in everything.Imagine that your boss will be constantly not satisfied with the work you have done or a colleague who periodically makes comments to you.

Usually the perfectionist is perceived as a boredom and is not too eager to communicate with him or work in the same team.

The worst thing is for a child who is forced to be under the strict supervision of a perfectionist parent every day. When already a good student should ideally prepare tasks for school, after playing lessons to play the piano, engage in sports at the weekends. This is all well and good, but only in moderation; otherwise, an “ideal hunter” will also grow out of a child. Children need to be given time for independent knowledge of peace and rest.

Another perfectionist loses a lot of time on the elementary task. For example, if you take a writer, he will most likely let the customer down in time, because he spent most of his time searching for the perfect title of a book or a title for an article.

Needless to say that, first of all, a person who strives for continuous perfection, only fairly exhausts himself both physically and psychologically. He is rarely satisfied with the results and spends an important part of his time on unnecessary and unjustified actions.

How to recognize in yourself or your loved ones the signs of perfectionism

1. The pursuit of incomprehensible ideals, which with all the desire can not be achieved;
2. Dissatisfaction in oneself and in the work done, causeless doubt in one's abilities. The painful feeling that he had not achieved something did not have time;
3. Persecuted guilt for the mistakes made, even if they were made because of another person;
4. Extremely painful perception of criticism from outsiders, a negative reaction even to a trifling remark;
5. Irritation and anger at any manifestation of imperfection, for example, books on a shelf or uneven handwriting are out of order;
6. Constant evaluation of the work done, only for “excellent” or “unsatisfactory”, forgetting about intermediate results;
7. Tight control over the life of your child;
8. Frequent scandals, if the thing is not in its place.

How to get rid of perfectionism

Before you get rid of cultivation mania, you need to admit to yourself and those close to this problem and fully understand the reason. A person who suffers from perfectionism without a neurotic background will benefit from cognitive psychotherapy. Such treatment consists of a correction of erroneous beliefs.What you need to do to get rid of:

1. The most important thing is to realize that it is impossible to achieve the perfect result. It is better to do well and on time, than to think out incomprehensible tasks for yourself and be behind everyone. Imagine how much time is spent on useless thoughts and actions;
2. Understand that the work done quickly will help each time to improve, without any extra effort;
3. There will always be people who will be dissatisfied with something, everyone has their own vision of the world, so you should not strive to please everyone without exception. It is better to make critics your assistants, to hear them and understand what exactly is not enough for self-improvement, but not to focus on the ideal result;
4. Set achievable goals and timeframes that must be met in order to achieve an excellent result. For more motivation, it is desirable to initiate close and dear people in their plans, then any work will go much faster;
5. Before you begin work, set yourself a condition that the task is simply completed - no more, no less, without overfulfilment of the plan;
6. Solve problems only as they become available, do only what is necessary here and now.Do not postpone business and do not deal with non-existent problems. Remember, the sooner you do it, the sooner you will see real results;
7. The perfectionist parent must allow the child to do everything himself, from time to time making his mistakes. It is necessary to praise your children periodically, but do not go too far with the stick;
8. Share work with other people. Usually a perfectionist does not trust the solution of any tasks to an outsider, mistakenly believing that no one can do better than himself. It is necessary to overcome all doubts and see how to cope with the work (scientific project, cleaning the house) a colleague or a loved one;
9. Concentrate solely on the process itself. To think not about the result, to look for interesting aspects of the task being performed;
10. Every time analyze the situation. More often ask yourself questions: is it worth reworking several times, can it be better to see the result? Is it necessary to arrange once again a quarrel with close people because of improperly placed plates? Is it worth spending your time so that the handwriting in the notebook was perfectly smooth? Ask yourself appropriate questions every day and answer them honestly, draw conclusions;
11. Make a to-do list for the day ahead.Carefully re-read it and leave in it only really important and urgent tasks. This will not excite the remorse of conscience that you have not done something or have not completed it;
12. To arrange a rest once a week, to relax completely, to do nothing and not to undertake;
13. Allow yourself to at least sometimes do something only at 50%, some frivolous business, which imperfection will not affect. For example, instead of the rule, there is a porridge in the morning, try something unusual for breakfast. Gradually, the consciousness will come that the ideal is not the most important thing in life;
14. To make a list of losses that have been comprehended from an exaggerated demand for oneself, for people and society as a whole. Perhaps these are friends who did not live up to their invented expectations or a failed project that was not done on time. Think about how many scandals, losses and nerves;
15. Write your fears, analyze them. If you are afraid of something not to have time, then make the necessary on time and then the wine will not torment you;
16. Understand that every mistake made is a unique path to success. You can learn from them, you can predict them later.

In the case of neurotic perfectionism, things are much more complicated. Such people simply do not accept imperfection, for them the search for the ideal is the main mission. Treatment is impossible without eliminating the cause of the disease. It will take an enormous effort to convince a person that his perception of the world is exaggerated and erroneous. This person is either of a high opinion of himself or, on the contrary, is not self-confident, he needs the help of a specialist.

Outlining all of the above, the conclusion is clear: everything must be done in moderation.

Video: how to get rid of perfectionism (advice from a psychologist)