How to get rid of jealousy: the advice of a psychologist

How often we are jealous of a loved one and harass him with constant interrogations and suspicions without realizing it. At first, this is certainly nice, it seems that you seem to be indifferent, you are cared for and “there is a struggle” for you. However, over time, this ceases to be fun. Constant reproaches and conjectures are ready to drive into the corner of any person and then he begins to think about real treason, because that is what he is constantly suspected of?

What is jealousy

Jealousy is an emotional state, when you try to protect your partner from other potential acquaintances and communication with the opposite sex. However, most people do not want to admit to themselves that they are really jealous. Often jealousy comes from childhood, where before the eyes was the parent model of relationships.

What is the nature of jealousy? Why is a human being trying to be solely in possession of a partner? This is alien to most animals.feeling. However, people also have situations in which several women share the same man - the eastern harem. Women of the polygamist are on equal rights and receive the same amount of wealth and attention of the spouse. And not at all jealous of his rivals (or do we not know much?).

But we don’t intend to breed a harem, and our halves, knowing this, behave decently, but for some reason this is not enough for us. Constant checks on the phone, chatting in social networks, checking all friends of the opposite sex - life becomes like a maniacal persecution. Jealousy, like salt, is pleasant only in small quantities. This feeling, from which you definitely need to get rid of.

Reasons for jealousy

Why are we jealous? Here are some common and common problems.

1. Unfinished situations related to treason or treason in the past. In fact, there is a very fine line here. If there was a case in your life when a partner changed (or nearly did it), jealousy increases simply exponentially. It so happens that you seem to have forgiven a person in words, let him into your life again, so as not to lose the relationship, not crush the family, etc. However, the soul is not humbled, but the heart is not forgiven, because you can’t order them.And every time a loved one is delayed from work, thoughts always return to that very situation.
2. Feeling of inferiority. Often this happens in socially unequal people. If he is the soul of the company, was the first handsome in the class, and she is the gray mouse, to which no one paid attention, the woman develops a powerful spiritual conflict. She does not understand why he chose her, why he loved her (does she have something to love?). And throughout life, this feeling of insecurity and inferiority gnaws at her, pushing on a constant feeling of jealousy.
3. Another reason for the emergence of jealousy is the wrong perception of feelings of love. Some pathologically jealous people believe that the more they are jealous of a partner, the more love they will show him. This model of understanding jealousy also often comes from childhood.

Types of jealousy

Jealousy, as a natural feeling, can be normal and pathological. Normal jealousy - there is an undoubted place to exist, often its absence is also a big problem.After all, if a person is absolutely indifferent to you, if he does not ask where you have lingered, where this bouquet of flowers comes from - it is not good. But where is this line? How to define a “healthy jealousy rate”? For each relationship is its own. Rare jokes in the form of "why is she looking at you like that?" And the like are appropriate. However, if jealousy strangles the partner and stops giving live a normal life - you need to fight it urgently.

Jealousy is not only between a man and a woman. Often jealousy is manifested in the relationship “siblings” when there is a struggle for parental attention. Jealousy is very close to the concept of "envy."

How to get rid of jealousy

1. First, try to understand what you are afraid of? Lose a loved one? And you can hold it by force in case of what? Understand that YOUR man will never go away from you. And if he left, it means he was never originally yours. Sooner or later it would have happened. So is it necessary to harass yourself with conjectures and conjectures?
2. If you want to keep a person, let him go. This rule works one hundred percent. Give up on this problem, take care of yourself. No need to think about your partner every second.Play sports, sign up for drawing, driving, beading or cooking classes. Free time gives rise to unnecessary thoughts in this situation. Show the person that he is not your whole life. That you have many other interests and hobbies. And he will pull in your direction.

1. Get better. Why do you underestimate yourself? Why do you think that it is impossible to love you? Each person is unique and you are no exception. You need to bring yourself to life in the literal and figurative sense. Change your hairstyle, update your wardrobe, go to spa treatments - all this can work wonders.
2. Do not be jealous, let them be jealous. Awaken in a partner a slight jealousy. This does not mean that you should come home with bouquets of flowers (women) and lipstick on the collar (men). Allow yourself to flirt with strangers in front of your partner. It may be just a smile and a polite word, but it will not go unnoticed. Do not bend, otherwise you risk becoming a target for unbridled jealousy.
3. If your jealousy is baseless, do not try to hurt your loved one. You need to fight with yourself and your own feelings.Understand that a loved one is a full-fledged person who has not only a personal life, but also a job, a hobby. Do not block it in all areas. No need to call him every five minutes, annoying and making it difficult to work. No need to demand a report every minute, where and with whom he was. If you love a person, trust him.
4. Stop making up. Here your husband helped the woman to collect the fallen papers and with a polite smile went away. Do not be near me, you thought, he would certainly have her to the house. No need to fantasize and think out the possibility of a situation. You pull into life what you think. Be glad that you have such a gallant husband who is able to come to the aid of a woman. After all, for this you once loved him. Think about the fact that this woman probably thought in her heart, "what an intelligent man." But this is your husband! Let him envy!
5. Do not compare yourself with others. There is always one or the one who is more beautiful, slimmer, smarter or richer than you. But your partner chose you. With your strengths and weaknesses. Do you really think that if he meets a woman who is more suitable for some parameters, he will exchange you for her.Surely there are some of your spiritual qualities for which your man loved you.
6. Understand that constant jealousy can torment anyone. And he may have the idea "why not change, anyway, I listen every day for treason, which was not." And he begins to pay attention to a more balanced and calm friend of the opposite sex. So you yourself are pushing him to betrayal.
7. Try to meet with friends more often. Just do not choose envious. Find a person in your environment who will invigorate and bring you back to life. No need to communicate with those who "winds up" you.
8. Call your loved one to a frank conversation. Try to understand the motives of one or another of his actions. By keeping silent and thinking it over, you can easily draw an impartial picture in your head. If your husband is late at work, try to talk openly with him about your suspicions. Perhaps he found a part-time job to buy you an expensive gift for the anniversary, and you have already mentally calculated his mistress.

Jealousy is a negative feeling that doesn’t need to grow and absorb all your thoughts and feelings.If jealousy becomes unchecked and unmanageable, you need to contact a psychologist. However, in most cases you are able to cope with these problems on your own, because you are a strong, self-sufficient person, isn’t it?

Video: how to stop being jealous (psychological consultation)