How to learn to understand people: the advice of a psychologist

How often we give advice to relatives and friends, that this person can not be trusted, but it is possible. But when it comes to ourselves, there are always situations when we find ourselves deceived, betrayed and abandoned. It is at this moment that there is a desire to learn to understand the nature of people, to understand what they are really pursuing, and whether it is worth continuing to communicate at all.

Psychology has long guessed all the secrets of nature and offers methods of knowledge of the individual. This is not only the division of people according to temperaments, but also the ability to guess the meaning of gestures and reactions to a particular situation.

Personality temperament

Nevertheless, it is worthwhile to begin the study of the psychology of the individual with basic knowledge. These include temperaments. There are 4 of them altogether, but do not forget that there are also mixed features that are not immediately apparent,and in the course of long communication.

Phlegmatic person. Distinctive features: regularity, slowness, even inhibition. Such people rarely show emotions, they just do not know how to do it. Caught in a difficult situation, phlegmatic begin to analyze it. Surrounding isolation seems arrogance and arrogance, but this is not quite true. Often, a typical phlegmatic person turns out to be a most sympathetic person who can become a true friend.

Sanguine. The exact opposite of phlegmatic. Sanguine people are open and cheerful people who grab for any business and agree to adventure. But the problem lies in the fact that they quickly get bored. Mood can change completely suddenly. In addition, they are very superficial in relation to even close ones.

Choleric. This type is characterized by sharp, explosive character traits. Choleric people are very temperamental, acting under the control of emotions, which can later be greatly regretted. But they are more sincere than sanguine. If you reconcile with some traits of character, then the choleric person will become a true friend or companion for life.

Melancholic Such people are very sensitive, they are easily offended,but it is also easy to win a favor. Melancholic distinguishes sad mood and uncertainty, they are often closed, avoid communication. By virtue of their nature, they are attached to one person for the rest of their lives and are painfully experiencing ruptures. It is hard to be friends with melancholic people, but you can always tell him about your experiences, and he will understand and support.

There are many tests to determine temperament, but their result will never be determined. Pure personality type does not occur in nature, usually one of them dominates, and the other complements it.

What to look for when you first meet

An acquaintance with a person can already give us enough information to decide whether to continue communication or not. This is not about external data, which may be attractive or vice versa, but a deeper analysis of the interlocutor’s features. There are several patterns of behavior that can tell a lot.

Imagine the situation that you are on a blind date or a young man or girl has sat down to meet you.

During the conversation, note the following details:

1) The ability to adapt to the situation.For example, you agreed to meet in a cafe. Check out his emotional stability by offering to go to the cinema, because there is a film that you have long wanted to go to. If a new acquaintance or acquaintance begins to argue for the illogicality of such a decision, most likely you have a personality type with a lack of adaptation skills, that is, the ability to make quick decisions and switch from situation to situation. Soon the relationship will be yours, because these tricks will be a great many.

2) The ability to listen. This is a very important point, because attentiveness to the interlocutor is either there or not. And nothing can be done about it. Being interested in how you are doing, he will never ask why - this trait of behavior speaks of false interest.

3) In a conversation with a person, try to learn as much as possible about his environment. Who communicates, what are the relationships in the family. If he shares his stories with interest, tells that he has real friends, then boldly continue the acquaintance. It is worth thinking when the interlocutor begins to complain at all that he was abandoned and betrayed.You will agree that it rarely happens that everybody turns away from a good and unselfish person in an instant.

These rules are valid not only for the given example, but also in any similar situation. For example, in the business sphere, when you are going to hire an employee or plan cooperation.

If you have become more than friends

When you spend a lot of time together at work or during a general hobby class, it becomes possible to carefully observe a person and study his character traits. Soon you will learn how to make a psychological portrait and understand how a friend or colleague treats you.

Watch for the following character traits:

1. Emotional Resilience. If your friend reacts violently to every situation that happens to him, soon you will feel his emotions on yourself. Many people are looking for a loved one to pour their negative emotions on him, thereby freeing themselves from them. If you feel depressed and fatigued after the meetings, then you should not continue.
2. User relationship We all love to be praised and complimented, but often this is not from the heart, although we want to believe the opposite.If a colleague or friend, after a brief acquaintance, begins to ask you to replace him or carry out an assignment, then you are used. This is especially noticeable when requests become weighty and go to the detriment of your time and personal life.
3. Fictitiousness. Take a closer look at how a person behaves with you alone and in a company. An honest and decent friend will not change tactics of behavior and pretend to be someone else.
4. The desire to be near you. If a friend aspires to spend a lot of time in your circle, asks about interests, takes your opinion into account, then he sincerely wants to become a friend or someone more. If he often has urgent business, he is constantly busy, then do not waste your precious time.

These seemingly simple rules, each of us knows. But in the period of communication with a person who is cute, they are forgotten. Therefore, keep your sanity and evaluate people not by their external qualities, but in relation to you.

How to recognize a lie

The most common reason why we want to learn to understand people is the unwillingness to remain deceived. Therefore, you should remember a few gestures and habits that will help you understand whether a person is lying or telling the truth.

They sincerely communicate with you if:

• eyes look into your eyes;
• the other person has a free posture, arms and legs are relaxed and in a natural position;
• speech is bound, voice is even;
• a person quickly and without hesitation answers your questions;
• sincerely smiles - with the lips, this emotion is expressed by the eyes.

You are cheated if:

• when talking, a look is often translated from one side to another;
• arms and legs crossed, movement sharp. Often the deceiver cannot find a place for himself;
• voice changes intonation. If a person lies, then he unconsciously tries to speak more quietly;
• the speech may be incoherent, the interlocutor is confused in the facts, makes long pauses;
• he smiles, without raising the corners of his mouth. Such a mimic is more like a smirk.

The more points incline you in one direction or another, the more likely it will be guesswork. But nevertheless, it is necessary to take into account some irritating factors, for example, unfamiliar surroundings, noise, poor feeling of the interlocutor. Therefore, conclusions should be made carefully.

Psychology tips

To accurately learn to see people through and guess their intentions, personality psychologists advise you to develop useful skills. They will help not only in relationships with people, but also in any life situation.

What you need to do to be able to understand people:

1. Develop intuition. Your subconscious knows a lot more than you think. In it all impressions, good or bad, received from communication with people are postponed. Therefore, sometimes you seem to feel your inner voice, which says to trust a person or not. Learn to hear it, and you can intuitively guess the catch.
2. Apply knowledge to experience. You can read as much literature as you like, but if you don’t train, knowledge will remain useless. At first it will be difficult to remember the subtleties of psychology, but it will soon become a habit.
3. Learn to analyze. A person may very long seem like a true friend and behave with dignity, but someday the deception will be revealed. This will indicate insignificant at first glance, the details. Therefore, learn to pay attention to the nuances of behavior and habits of people around you, because a person cannot pretend all the time.

Starting to observe others, you will see how much falsehood and insincerity in them. But don't let that shock you. After all, good people will always be there, and you will feel calm and confident with them, not thinking about betrayal and lies.

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