How to raise children without shouting and punishment

Many young parents are proud that they have a small child - the most charming, beautiful and intelligent. Time passes, the child grows up, he turns three years old, the upbringing process is well under way, and the question becomes urgent: do you need to apply any punishment for disobedience to your beloved child? If so, how? If not, then what to use instead?

Psychologists say that children who have not been punished are much more benevolent and much calmer than their peers. And vice versa - if a small person was constantly punished, then aggression, rudeness, hysteria - his companions for the rest of his life.He turns into a touchy evil type, shutting himself up inside himself and putting out anger and resentment against those who are weaker: small children, defenseless animals, is fully capable of offending a woman or an old sick person.

Punishment - what is it?

Parents apply punishment to children and older children to show them - they say it’s impossible to do this and that, and you’ll get into trouble for it. Adults change the environment in which the child lives, for the worse.

Suppose they say something like this - you will lose your walk, you will not use the computer, you will not go to the circus with your dad for the weekend, you will not get the usual chocolate in the morning and so on. Each family uses its own method. Punishment plays the role of a motivator of sorts, the child learns to take responsibility for bad or harmful actions.

But in many families, as well as children's groups, abuse and physical torture are used as a punitive factor — cuffs, rubbish, and children are put into a corner. And, as a rule, the child is usually afraid of the punishment itself, which appears in his mind as humiliation. In fact, he must be aware of the consequences of the act committed, for which he was punished.Fear of censure, the desire to avoid punishment in every possible way pushes the little man to lies, he tries to trap, to make sure that adults do not condemn so strongly.

Causes of bad behavior in children

There are many reasons why children behave badly. But the main ones are these four:

1. Often children commit acts only so that adults pay attention to them. Good behavior leaves the parents indifferent, but if you just spoil or break something, the whole family immediately begins to see a small family member. Let them react negatively, scold, but - notice!
2. Lack of independence. It happens the opposite - a small family pet is under constant vigilant care of mom, dad, grandfather, grandmother. And the child starts to behave badly in order to feel freedom for a while and feel his own independence.
3. Loss of faith in a child. If you treat him badly, constantly reproach and rebuke - he will lose the desire to be good. And if he constantly hears from his parents that he is bad and worthless, he becomes so.
4. The desire to take revenge on mom and dad.Children feel injustice very keenly and often with their bad behavior react to the offense inflicted by close people. And sometimes there are enough reasons for it - undeserved parental insults, punishment for no reason, or parents tear down their failures and bad mood in an innocent child.

How to tell a child that his actions are wrong?

1. Do not ask what the reason made the baby throw garbage in his room. You just need to give a broom, a scoop, a rag, a bucket of water - let him take out the garbage and rinse the floor. Prompt and explain the whole process of cleaning is necessary, but you should not do the work instead.
2. In no case do not need to frighten the impending punishment. After all, it will be later (and the parent will forget about it), and the child will live in fear.
3. It should be said that this act upset mom / dad.
4. It should be strictly explained that in this family no one ever does.
5. For some time, you can limit the child in sweets, do not allow access to the computer, skip the joint viewing of your favorite cartoon, postpone the trip to the amusement park. Or to say that the committed act so grieved that today no one will go.
6. After all, put the child in the chair - let them sit for a while and see that mom / dad is very upset.

What not to do?

You can’t humiliate children by saying: I’ll tell your classmates, neighbors, yard comrades about your bad behavior, let them see and know how bad you are! This will lower self-esteem, cause psychological trauma, the child will harbor anger and resentment on parents, become stubborn.

1. You can not give spanking, beat, scare belt. The kid will then become afraid of physical violence, but he will not understand why he is being scolded.
2. Do not say "go, stay in the corner," you should not scream and scare monsters and various women. In no case is it recommended to promise "I will abandon you, give to a bad uncle or an evil yard dog." These promises can damage the psyche of a son or daughter. And the baby will live with the thought “I am not loved by everyone and is not needed by anyone” - this is scary.

How to bring up without punishing?

The question is definitely difficult. Is it possible to raise a little man without resorting to shouting and not applying punishment? Experts in the field of pedagogy and psychology assure - yes, it is possible.Parents need only adhere to several basic principles that help in education.

1. Fully recognize the identity of your child, respect his decisions, listen and accept desires, be attentive to needs, do not ignore his feelings. Otherwise, parents will get a little rebel.
2. Treat the baby with warmth and attention. He must constantly know that not one, but always someone nearby is big, loving and constantly caring for him.
3. Respect the opinion. The little crumb, for the first time reaching for one of the many toys lying in front of him, is already making his first independent choice. There will be a lot of them ahead - what to wear, to go or not to go for a walk, to be friends with, on which channel to watch a favorite cartoon, to choose whom to be friends. For some reason, most parents do not want to remember that their favorite child can solve many issues on their own. They forget about it and begin to do everything for the child, without asking for his opinion. Which leads to a clash and a battle of interests. It is imperative to give confidence to the tastes, interests and morals of the child.Listening to them, trying to translate them into reality, no matter how difficult it was.
4. Be patient At the moment when the two matured decision to have a baby, they took responsibility for the future of the little crumbs. This is a great work and a hard way, but it can and should be done with dignity. In later life to meet a lot of obstacles that must be overcome. To overcome you need a lot of patience. One should develop this useful habit in oneself and always remember it. After all, the usual request, quietly and patiently repeated many times, allows you to achieve more and works much better than endless shouts, arguments and persuasion. So, raising children, one must learn to wait.
5. The father and mother must strictly control themselves, set a personal example for the child. After all, it is known - education, in the first place, is based on the fact that children copy and repeat the actions of their parents. And if there are obvious contradictions between what the parents demand from the pupil and what they allow themselves in practice - the child is disappointed, and the parental authority in children's eyes falls.
6. Encourage children's good behavior.Children's memory is arranged so that the gifts and presents promised for diligent behavior are remembered longer than the impending punishment for misconduct. Accordingly, there is more incentive to be obedient and good.
7. It is unacceptable to constantly put pressure on morally, to prohibit anything, to state requests and demands in the form of orders. It is necessary to strive to ensure that these requirements were expressed by parents not rigidly and categorically, but in a constructive and benevolent form, that a good atmosphere always reigned in family communication, and the child knew that he would always be helped by supporting everything.
8. In the family should be strictly prohibited any punishment of the physical plane. Force can be defeated only by force: such a disappointing conclusion will one day make the kid, What it will lead to when he becomes an adult is easy to guess.
9. To quietly and consistently fulfill your instructions, always fulfill the promise - the main thing in education without punishment. The child is required to do everything that the parent requires. If you cancel the instruction or order for no apparent reason for the child, the authority of the parents in the children's eyes will irrevocably collapse.
10. Under no circumstances should mom and dad forget what they promised.Whether it is a trip to the zoo, a visit to the slot machines or some petty fidgety children's request. Otherwise, the universe of children, the foundation of which is to fulfill the promise, will be destroyed.

It is very important that parents are emotionally stable. A mother or father, starting from a child who is worn out, and starting to behave in the same way hysterically, makes a mistake. Of course, in such a situation it is not easy to remain calm, but we must try. Efforts will pay off in the future.

Can I use a scream?

In dealing with a child, sometimes it is necessary to use an elevated tone - for example, with its help you can warn a child about something important or about danger. Yes, and the child should know: parents are also people, sometimes they just need to spill their emotions.

Another question is if the cry in the relations of parents and children is restored to normal: with the help of this effective tool, the educational process is going on, and without it, no parental order has a single chance to be executed. Here you can talk about the pedagogical flaw. In this case, a scream appears, if parents are powerless to do anything, are tired of fighting child disobedience, they are afraid that there is no other way.Of course, this is an unacceptable and impermissible method of education.

Why do parents break at the cry?

Of course, parents begin to scream, threaten and punish children for a reason. Different mothers react differently to the behavior of their offspring. What influences the behavior of parents?

1. Perfectionism. Often, parents want so much to raise their offspring in accordance with the ideal they have invented, that they get annoyed because of any “slip” that they have made.
2. Repetition of the pattern of behavior obtained in childhood. Dad and mom brought up by shouting, standing in the corner, threats and a belt transfer this type of education to their children.
3. No knowledge of another principle of behavior. Often, young parents simply elementary do not know that it is possible to raise children somehow differently, without using swearing and slapping.

Cases where you can not blame and punish

1. The child is physically unwell, sick, feels bad.
2. The child experienced a strong shock - he got a deuce, quarreled with a friend. You should wait until the negative emotions subside and disappear.
3. If helps around the house.A child may do something quite differently, but you have to remember - the manifestation of negative on the part of parents will only repel him, and the desire to do something in his house will disappear.

Raise your children without crying, do not need to beat them. Try to give them more attention and talk to them.

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